The Nobodies: No Typos This Time Around

I suppose, given the typo in that last email I received, there’s something… redeeming… about standard form responses. This one came late last week:

Dear Author:

Thanks for your query. I apologize for this form response, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impossible to send individual replies in every case.

As to your material, I am afraid I must pass. I represent a very full list of writers, and must be highly selective in adding to it. I realize that it is difficult to judge your potential from a query alone; nevertheless, please know that we give serious attention to every letter, outline and writing sample that we receive.

Thank you for contacting me. I wish you the very best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

And this one came as a lovely Valentine’s Day present that wasn’t so lovely and was shortly followed by my box of chocolates being engulfed:

Dear Author,

Thanks for writing me. I apologize for the form letter, but the volume of query letters I receive makes it impossible to send personal responses to every writer.

Unfortunately, I must pass on your material. I realize it is difficult to judge your potential from a query alone, but please know that I give serious attention to every letter and writing sample I receive.

Best of luck with your agent search,

Is there a draft agents can download somewhere and quickly personalize or something? For two separate agents at two separate agencies, those letters are eerily similar.

In the end, it looks as if not a single version of my query has had much luck selling The Nobodies, even the newly-revised A/B testers. Sigh, eh? Maybe I’ll have a more cheery, exciting announcement come early next week when this storm cloud above my head stops raining on my parade.